Friday, June 6, 2014

Movie: Maleficent


Well, well...if it isn't the mistress of evil. They could not go wrong with Angelina Jolie as Maleficent. I know it's supposed to be the story of how Maleficent came to be the purveyor of despair, but her character in this movie couldn't measure up to the seething malevolence that Sleeping Beauty's Maleficent was.

Had it been in our local setting, there's no other actress who can pull it off to haute couture perfection (and no, it's not Bella Flores) other than Miss Celia Rodriguez.


Just like in the blueprints for Wicked, this movie is the story behind how Maleficent came to be, since we had no idea why she became the malicious, devious diva that she is in Sleeping Beauty. As the story goes, everyone had been invited except for her, to Princess Aurora's christening. Since nobody thought her to be of import, she decided to gatecrash the said party and bestow a "gift". I was really expecting her to utter "Back you, dogs!", as the king ordered his men to seize her and I wasn't expecting the three fairies to be such ninnies at all. In the animated movie, you could see how downright evil and mean she was bestowing her curse and doling out agony and despair to king. You'd know as she vanished  in the putrid green smoke that she wouldn't give a rat's ass what happened to the princess. Of course she kept tabs as to where she lived with the help of her spying crow, to ensure the fulfillment of the curse. There's absolutely no way she would be nanny to the beastie.

So you could see from the movie that she wasn't abused during her childhood in the moors, we learned that her parents were killed but she was no witness to it. Not enough to jack up the Evil Meter, don't you think? Being disillusioned by your wimpy, ambitious swain, who chopped off your wings named Stefan is substantial reason for revenge, but still lacking to sap all the goodness and allow the evil to fester inside and consume her. She could have just rebounded with the crow in human form who looked hotter than King Stefan or one of King Stefan's buffed knights. Had she witnessed the murder of her parents, been an outcast and bullied in the moor (ergo sad childhood), mutilated and betrayed by a hunky Stefan...now that would be a recipe for psychopathic evil. Ursula from The Little Mermaid was in fact more devious, cunning and evil, who pulled out all the stops for her plan, is more evil than this version of Maleficent.

The true love's kiss part...enters Prince Philip who looks like he's a member of 1D. I know the adolescents would totally dig his looks. But his "pakipot" attitude and the awkwardness of his kiss, nobody would wake up to that, buddy! Had he used some tongue (which I think was what the 3 imbeciles meant when they told her to kiss the princess properly), it would have done the job.

And why didn't Maleficent transform into a dragon. Why????!!! The valiant Prince Philip killed the dragon in the animated movie and in this story, Maleficent is shown to be not really evil and that's why she gets to live happily ever after too. And do you think the Prince Philip who looks like a member of 1D could wield a knight's broad sword? His best weapon would be a rendition of Best Song Ever!

As the credits rolled in the end, my ears were assaulted by the awfully morose version of Once Upon A Dream, sung by the queen of summertime (or should I say perpetual) sadness, Lana Del Rey (lighten up, will you?). She sould seriously give it a go singing the warped and grotesque version of Que Sera Sera which could be heard at the end of the horror flick Dead Silence and probably add it to her next album.

So there you have it, my take on Maleficent. Had it not been for Angelina Jolie and the innocence of Vivienne (who played the little Beastie/Aurora), then this movie's a dud.

No comments:

Post a Comment